MPV's- Look, Vans are vans, People carriers are vans with windows, Cars are cars. Stop trying to mix them!. SOMETIMES it can look vaugley good (Honda Jazz, Renault Scenic), But most of the time it looks shit (Ford Fusion, Focus C-MAX, Citroen Picasso, Fiat Multipla...). Of course you get more boot space, but you did in estate cars too. They go on about the engine penetrating into the passenger compartment, well if it was a bit further away (like under a PROPER bonnet) it might not do that!

SUV's- If you drive one and dont live on a farm, you are an inferior person. It is as simple as that.

'blob' designs- And they called the Sierra a 'jelly mould', if they had been shown the state of cars 20 years later, they would have thrown up!. Whatever happened to sharp, defined angles, wings, fins and proper lights?. "Theyre less safe for pedestrians!" i dont give a shit!, they should have listened to the green cross code when they where younger!

'cute' designs- We arent all poofs and girls!. We might WANT a long, low, fastback design, but want it cheap and with a small engine so we can actually insure it. There was such a thing as a 1.3 Capri once, sure its perfomance never matched its looks, but when you where at the lights being "clocked" by "birds" that didnt really matter!

Power Steering- When you're parking you really want to feel where your wheels are, when you're moving it makes no difference anyway, of course it is occasionally handy, like in very tight parking situations (the kind where you find another space anyway), but most of the time its just a hinderance. I dont suppose it would be too hard for manufacturers to include a switch to turn it off, but they dont!. I would probably never turn it on again.

Hatchbacks- They used to be good looking, but it has really been taken too far. We want a return to the PROPER saloon car!. Or at least derivatives of hatchback versions. Certian modern hatches, like the Clio, have pretty big boots, thanks to clever interior arrangement. Just imagine the huge amount of space you would get with a saloon. Plus they are naturally better at preventing stuff in the boot from flying into the passenger compartment in a crash anyway, and can be used as a 'buffer' for better protection against collisions from behind. Couple that with other modern safety features and suddenly the NCAP 5-star rating will be too low!.

Chrome, Wood and Leather- ALL cars once had these, now they are only on the top-of-the-range models. You know, the kind hardly anyone buys!. Surely it cant be THAT much to include them on cheaper versions. And what about the pathetic "Aluminium-look" trim you get on interiors, which is shiny plastic that looks nothing like aluminium. Why not use the real thing? They make coke cans out of it, it cant be THAT much!. A notable rebel is the Rover 75, which is expensive now. But when its an 'old banger' everybody will be out to get one, probably.

On-board computers- Included in top of the range VW's and Citroens, tells you stuff like your Tyre pressure, Service intervals, Engine temps ect ect, which you can navigate as you drive (LOOK AT THE ROAD!!!). Its pointless and useless!, and people survived before satnav as well you know!, they rolled down the window and asked somebody on the pavement!, remember that? It used to be called "human interaction".

Pointless useless electronic systems you never use or notice- Its all a CON!, its just done so you cant hope to repair a car yourself without a degree in electronics!. Even i knew how to take the top off the air filter and blow out an excess petrol flood in my old 1994 Fiesta, just looking under the bonnet of my 2004 Clio, i wouldnt know where to start!

Comfort- Or lack of!. What is it? Some kind of secret EU directive designed to make driving as uncomfortable as possible? So people will take the buses, which in britian are always late, or dont run at all, anyway. Then again, the seats on modern buses are worse, some shit 'ergonomic' design which is carved from solid iron that gives you a dead leg. These manufacturers are TAKING THE PISS!

Xenon headlamps- Hey, its really bright, so its safer!, except to the people going the other way, who are blinded even if you're on dipped beam!. People didnt have accidents every 5 minutes before these where invented you know!

Bench seats- What happened to them?, you have to climb into the back for a shag now, and there's no room for a 4-some in there!. They are probably less safe, or something. But who cares, we know the risks when we specify the option!. It will only hurt us and people who choose to ride in our cars, who are you to say we cant gamble with our wellbeing like this, but you let people smoke, now thats a gauranteed fatality!. The Fiat Multipla has a 6-seat design, but it looks like shit, so i cannot recommend it.

Auto-driving cars- They say this is a "vision for the future", so was 1984!. This CANNOT be allowed!. If i was a billionaire, i would not hire a chauffer, because i LIKE driving, but the scum want to force this electronic control on us! "There will be less accidents, there will be less congestion", yes, because the roads will STILL block up with auto-driving cars, while other ones will refuse to move from your drive because "all routes are too congested to proceed at this time", Yeah, your boss would belive that!. Traffic jams are just a fact of life anyway, they will ALWAYS exist, they did in 1912 after the launch of the Model T, people put up with it then, they still do today, why wont they be able to in 2020?. I cant belive there havent been any riots against auto-driving cars yet. Is Friday ok?

Dials in the middle of the dashboard- What was wrong with having them where you could see them?

Speed Cameras- The motorists nightmare!. These HAVE to be stopped!. For ideas, put "Captian Gatso" into google. I didnt tell you that!. Of course, they are a good idea in accident blackspots, near schools ect (and people who speed near schools deserve even bigger fines!). But at the moment they have gone too far, and even the police must know it (like when thier chiefs get caught!)

Toll Motorways- First they put toll gates on the motorways, everybody uses A-roads, they put trackers on your cars and charge you for using the A roads (while you still pay road tax, get caught by mis-set speed cameras and 700% tax on your petrol, or whatever). Then they put trackers in your brains and monitor your every thought and move. Honest!

Flying cars- When most people have these (some bloke is working on a 'cheap' jet-like flying car, it was in focus a load of times a few years back..how is that coming along?) the roads will probably fall into disrepair, bad news for owners of classic cars (you know, with wheels). On the other hand, the jams might dissapear (okay, they wont always exist then), which means more land-based fun for those of us in CAMREC!